Of Pernicious Anemia...

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

Hye alls! I'm back!

Actually tengah penat sebab duk bertapa dekat lab and office kat research hub tu. Lagi memenatkan bila I have to risk all those samples that I made for 2 days, semata-mata sebab compression machine tu buat hal argh! So esok kena try lagi. Harap2 my babies dalam fridge tu okay la tak kecut ke tak kering ke. Okay I don't know whether you reader understand what I am saying hahaha.

Tapi terasa macam nak menulis pasal Pernicious Anemia which I got after 2 months being in Ireland, specifically in April 2018. Secara simplenya, pernicious anemia ni adalah satu penyakit autoimmune, di mana tetiba ada antibody kat perut tu yg makan cell berfungsi untuk serap vitamin B12 dari makanan kita makan. So bila antibody tu dah makan cell sihat tu, takde la cell nak serap B12 dah dalam badan ni. B12 ni fungsi dia untuk produce darah dalam badan kita. Konklusinya, bila takde B12, a.k.a B12 deficient, darah pun kurang. Itu yang dipanggil pernicious anemia. Dan penyakit autoimmune ni uncurable. Memang kena tanggung seumur hidup lah. Kita hanya boleh topup apa yang destroyed. In this case, kita hanya boleh topup B12 thru injections.

Biasanya, autoimmune ni satu inherited disease. Cumanya yang rare pada kes aku, takda satu pun ahli keluarga aku yang ada sejarah sakit darah. Takde. Dr pun pelik cemana boleh dapat pernicious anemia sebab besenya orang yang vegetarian atau yg tak makan daging je dapat ni, especially western people la kan. Entahla, mungkin bahagian aku kut. At least aku tak rasa dah sakit bila duk topup B12 tu. Huhu

Okay sekarang nak cerita cemana aku boleh diagnosed pernicious anemia. Bear with me. It was horrible. Huhu

Sebenarnya dari zaman undergrad lagi aku dah pesen jantung laju sokmo, cepat penat. Cuma masa tu gagah lagi la hiking. Aku fikir sebab penat and stress je. Plus masa tu MPP, duk bergelumang dengan masalah orang je hahaha. So lepas kawen bulan 7 2017 tu, aku buat test darah (blood count) sebab husband suruh. Dia mmg personally test diri sendiri punya darah annually. So daripada result tu lah baru tahu aku ni anemia, Hb level 7 je masa tu, which kalo normal, 10 ke atas. Then he gave me iron tablets for 3 months sebab fikir aku ni iron deficiency anemia je. 

Then, in Ogos 2017, I got an offer to pursue my Masters study in Ireland starting in February 2018. After 3 months on the iron tablets, aku buat test darah lagi sekali few weeks before flying.  And that time, my Hb level already go up to 12. So dah normal la kan. Aku pun dengan happynya fly ke Ireland, knowing everything is okay.

Tapi, sebulan duk Ireland, takde apa sangat lagi yang jadi. Just sejuk kat Ireland ni memang gila weh. Lagi2 kalo masuk toilet ke amik wudhuk ke ya Allah menggigil dia tu dahsyat gila. Heater bilik mmg tak rasa mende. Bila masuk bulan 3 2018, I began to lose my apetite. It was like, tengahari boleh lagi makan nasik, bila malam, dia jadi nak muntah bila makan nasi. Tak tau apa masalah. So masa tu duk survive dengan buah jela. Macam2 buah beli. Psstu makan roti. My bestie suggest makan beras basmati sebab kurang kanji. Aku pun try la. Alhamdulillah okay sikit, dia tak rasa mual. Plus harga sama je dengan long grain rice yang tak sedap tu. Huhu

Sebulan masalah dengan makan, then I was suspected miscarriage. Dah lebih sebulan tak datang period, yang si husband kat Malaysia plak dapat morning sickness. Which morning waktu Ireland and about 2 pm waktu Malaysia. Nak makan benda masam pun ada dia cakap. Lol. And ada beberapa tanda lain jugak. Agak sedih cerita miscarriage tapi kita proceed kisah pernicious anemia ni dulu.

Early April, aku dah terasa penat yang teramat. Masa tu dekat lab pun hectic gila-gila pagi sampai petang kadang lunch pun lambat sebab terpaksa tunggu sample dalam UV curing chamber tu. Masa tu lab partner, Maria budak intern yang duk tolong aku tu pun perasan aku macam sikit2 dah nak cari kerusi. Berdiri lama sikit dah penat. Masa tu duk fikir effect miscarriage la.

Sampai satu tahap, hari selasa tu aku boleh jalan terus lagi ke research hub yang besenya dalam 7 minit tu non stop. Tp bila sampai hub, aku kena duk dulu kat entrance tu baru naik tangga ke office. Hari rabu, dah kena stop tengah jalan dah. Hari khamis, dah kena berhenti beberapa kali. Hari jumaat paling terrible, aku jalan 2,3 langkah dah kena berhenti. Paling banyak tak sampai pun 10 langkah aku rasa. Memang tercungap cungap gila. Padahal dah sarapan apa semua dah.

In the end, my husband insisted me to go to clinic. Last time aku takmo pegi klinik sebab mahal gila weh. Jumpa Dr je dah 75 euro. Tu dah RM370 dah tu weh. Jumpa Dr je. Kalo ubat kena beli sendiri, bukan free macam Malaysia weh. Huhuhu. Dia marah kalo aku tak pergi, dia cakap, "Dah tu, takkan nak tunggu pengsan dulu baru nak pegi klinik?" Well, in fact dia suruh aku terus pegi hospital. Tapi percaya lah kat tempat aku ni hospital jauh gila. Even klinik yang aku nak pergi tu pun. Nasib baik ada kawan Brazil kat ofis tu dia tolong call chaplain universiti mintak tolong. Kalo dia tak hantarkan, aku rasa memang dah pengsan tengah jalan weh kalo pergi sendiri. Even kalo amik bas ke town pun, memang jauh lagi kena jalan.

Then kat klinik tu, dia buat ECG, urine test. Then dia jumpa bilirubin dlm urine aku. The thing yg selalu ada kat baby demam kuning tu. Pastu dekat ECG tu ada macam abnormal sikit, tak reti aku nak sebut. Ingat RBBB je. Then dia buat referral letter ke Portiuncula Hospital, which about sejam lebih dari tempat aku ni. Nasib baik uni bagi taxi untuk aku pegi sana. Kalo tak, melayang lagi 40 euro a.k.a RM200. Huhu

Bila kat hospital tu, dua buat lagi ECG, amik vital details, amik darah, urine test. Masa tu housemate temankan. Suhu aku pun tinggi gila sampai dia masuk IV paracetamol ngan air. Then buat xray lagi. Macam-macam soalan dah depa tanya. Berulang ulang pulak tu. Penat ulang cerita. 4 jam tunggu, tetiba depa cakap aku kena tahan ward sebab Hb level rendah gila sampai nak transfuse darah. Kesian dekat housemate tunggu lama, aku suruh dia balik je dulu pakai taxi uni call tu. 

Dari pukul 2 pm sampai hospital tu, sampai lah 11 malam tunggu baru lah ada katil kosong untuk aku. Dah la lapar gila2 last makan masa breakfast sebelum gi klinik tu kowtt. Seb baik depa bagi sandwic ngn air teh. Boleh lah dari takde pape.

Doktor semua muka risau kowt mse dekat ED tu. Husband cakap kalo Dr muka risau tuu ada lah yang diorang taktau tu. Husband memang confirm restless lah kat rumah tu. Besenya 5 petang Ireland kat Malaysia dah 12 tgh malam. That time 9 malam Ireland pun dia reply mesej lagi. Kesian jugak la dia tak tenang kat rumah tu. Huhu. Sorry abang.

Then bila masuk wad tu, termenung jap. Aku datang sini hanya sehelai sepinggang weh. Memang tak prepare la sebab tak expect langsung masuk hospital. Huhu. So aku pakai je baju hospital yang seksi ikat tepi tu. Haha. Seb baik masa tu aku pakai inner baju and seluar. Kalo tak, rasanya memang tido ngn blous ngan seluar jeans dah rasanya. Tudung pun pakai tudung bawal kosong tu je yang takyah inner tu. Thankfully. Kalo tak masyaAllah payahnya. Huhu. Malam 1st tu aku tido je sebab dah memang letih gila. Masuk malam kedua, okay aku tak boleh control emosi. Sepanjang malam tu aku nangis wehh couldn't stoppp! Nurse pun xtau nak buat apa. Last skali dia offer hot milk and biscuits. Okay lega sikit. Walaupun lepas tu aku nangis lagi. I messaged husband then dia pun memang stress taktau nak buat apa and tak boleh nak buat apa.

Ada sorang patient perempuan belasan tahun mcm sakit something kat dalam perut dia. Memang menangis almost all the time. Tapi dia still care about me. Siap offer nak bagi baju sbb dia kesian tengok aku sehelai sepinggang xde sape2. Tapi aku plak kesian kat dia sbb dia sentiasa tanggung sakit.

Duk 3 hari, masih taktau kenapa dan apa yang terjadi kat aku. Dr pun refuse untuk explain apa2 kat aku. Sekadar cakap kita tak figure out lagi. Husband dah mula marah dah. Katanya ridiculus gila tak keluar lagi blood result and blood film. Memang tak logik. Sampai dia fikir nak videocall je dengan Dr tu nak tanya sendiri. Hari tu ada sorang staff uni hantar barang2 mcm baju seluar, toiletteries. Terus aku gi mandi rasa macam bernyawa sikit mandi pakai sabun.

Things getting bad tengahari tu bila darah meleleh keluar dari branula kat lipatan siku. Memang macam air literally. Cuma air tu warna merah. Huhu. Bila cakap kat nurse lelaki yang selalu attend aku tu, dia simply cakap, "Oh this is because your liver function is still unstable". Si suami ni dah marah dah cakap amik la vital details ke apa ke. Cek bp ke. Then aku suruh jugak nurse tu amik bp sbb aku dah pening. Dia sesuka je cakap aku takut darah. Aiyooo

Hari ke 4, Selasa memang tunggu ward round sebab husband nak cakap ngn Dr kalo masih xde pape khabar. That time Dr semua dtg round, I heard they said something yang tak pernah dyorg sebut sebelum ni. And I went "WHAT??" straight away, then the senior Dr tarik junior Dr yg tengah explain kat dia tu keluar. Allahu aku dah panas masa tu. Kenapa dyorg taknak bgtau kat aku. Tu hak aku sebagai patient kowtt. I told the nurse of what I feel at that time and then the Dr finally came to me to explain. Nak tahu dia cakap apa?

"We suspected that you have leukemia."

Boleh bayang tak kau tak rasa sakit kat mana2, just pening kepala, tetiba Dr cakap kau leukemia?? Ya Allah, masa tu terasa macam bila2 je boleh mati. Aku memang nangis jela masa tu. Then husband yg memang tengah on video call dengan aku masa tu, suruh aku pass fon kat Dr tu. Dr tu explain semua tapi banyak soalan husband dia tak tahu. Blood film tak tahu etc2. Then muka husband nampak frust gila. And that time I knew I was in really2 bad condition. 

Then Dr cakap nak transfer aku ke Galway. And masa tu Margaret datang jenguk aku. Dia cakap ngn Dr jap. Then dia peluk aku. Aku nangis gila2 masa tu memang tak tahan dah. Then dia cerita yg dia sebenarnya leukemia survivor. She told me that I CAN SURVIVE.

Then petang tu jugak aku naik ambulans pegi Galway. Dulu kecik2 nak sangat kan anik ambulans, haaa amikk naik ambulans tak best langsung wehhh rasa hanyut gila duk belakang tu. Seb baik aku duduk. Kalo aku baring dah lama muntah dah rasanya. Tu pun memang duk peluk bekas muntah sepanjang 2 jam perjalanan tu sambil merenung nasib apa yang jadi kat aku masa tu.

Bila sampai je wad, masyaAllah bilik single depa bagi aku siap dgn personal bathroom. I was like, how on earth did I get all of this. Rupanya memang aku tak boleh diletakkan bersama patient lain disebabkan antibody memang lemah gila. Kelakar jugak bila fikir. Haha. Duk 2 jam, registrar (specialist) datang. Dia explain 1 by 1 in details apa jadi kat aku.

Dia cakap red blood cell aku bentuk macam tear drop instead disc shape yg normal. Pelik kan? Neutrophil plak hypersegmented sampai ada 8 kaki. Normal 4 je. Huhu. Pastu dia cakap la dyorg takkan pegi sampai leukemia lagi buat masa ni. Sebab dyorg nak investigate lain dulu. Masa tu rasa alhamdulillah lega gilaaa masih ada harapan. 

3 hari duk situ, finally dyorg confirm yang aku ada pernicious anemia. Tu pun lepas hari2 amik darah sampai dah takde urat lawa nak bagi kat dia utk amik darah. Pastu segala test dia buat. Xray dah berapa kali dlm seminggu ni. Hampir kena CT scan tapi xjadi bila dyorg dh yakin dgn pernicious anemia tu. B12 tu thru makan pun dia bagi, cucuk masuk urat sebotol B12 yang sampai urat lengan aku merah gila sepanjang lengan tu. Mmg irritate gila ubat tuu. And thru cucuk kat punggung pun dyorg test jugak.

Finally Jumaat, hari ketujuh sepanjang aku warded tuuu dyorg discharge aku. Mse tu terpinga-pinga la sbb tetiba je haha walaupun bersyukur. Si suami ni pulak dah beli tiket flight dah. Esoknya dah nak fly. Alhamdulillah Margaret datang masa tu so dia bawak balik rumah dia sementara nak pegi lagi appoinment kat Galway tu isnin nanti, the same day ngn husband sampai sini.

And dekat spital Galway tu ada kawan kepada bos husband, suami isteri yg memang registrar specialist kat situ. Depa jumpa aku kat wad masa tu. So Ahad tu aku gerak pegi rumah dia sambil tunggu husband sampai. Nice jugak laa dapat kenal keluarga Muslim Melayu kat sini. Kalo tak, memang sensorang lah kat Athlone ni.

Isnin petang tu cik abe sampai. MasyaAllah dia punya berdebar tu kemain macam baru nak nikah je haahahaha. Lain macam jantung ni bila finally boleh jumpa kesayangan hamba selepas beberapa bulan. Sobsss. Who knows sakit ni boleh ketemukan aku dengan si suami kembali. Memang tumpah la airmata. huhuhu

Masa pegi appoinment dgn Dr Mark tu, dia cakap memang xleh amik ubat masuk perut sbb dah konfem ada anti intrinsic cells and ant parietal cells a.k.a antibody yg tak sepatutnya ada tu. So conclusion, I will have to take monthly injection for my lifetime. Takpe lah. At least, it was not leukemia. I won't have to go through bone marrow aspiration, I won't have to go through chemotherapy. Simple je treatment dia. Just 1 injection for every month and I can live my life normally. Of course I need to say countless alhamdulillah for this. Tho I will have this forever, tenyata Dia Tuhan yang Maha Mengasihani.

Terima kasih kepada semua yang menyokong. Terima kasih kepada semua yang mendoakan. Moga kita semua sentiasa diberkatiNya, insyaAllah.
Terima kasih juga kepada warga AIT. They have helped me countless times and I won't forget this memory forever.

#DiaryPerniciousAnemiaFighter

Potato Scallop

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

Haiiii!! Harini terasa nak buat 1 collection resepi yang aku try sepanjang ada kat Ireland ni. Sebab aku jenis yang suka experiment dengan resepi, tak cukup sekadar experiment dalam lab. Maybe I will hashtag #DapurIrelandAmoy Haha. So kita mula dengan 1 resepi ringkas dan sedap yg baru cuba semalam, but a bit high calorie menu, which is soooo suitable for me yang kurus cekeding tak cukup berat ni. Haha. Sekali sekala boleh la amik menu yang tak berapa sihat ni. Sekadar penuhi rasa mengidam. LOL. Plus, memang nak kena manfaatkan la oven gedabak kat rumah ni. Biar berbaloi sket bayar sewa mahal kan..haha

Resepi ni dapat dari member masa universiti dulu. Tapi ada olah sikit masuk bawang holland. Biar ada rasa manis2 bawang tu. So takde la muak sangat kan. Ate, moh le kite nengok resepinyaa.

Ingredients:

Setengah kg ubi kentang yg dihiris nipis

Setengah biji bawang holland-potong dadu

1 sudu besar tepung gandum

2 sudu besar butter

Secawan setengah susu segar

Cheese- letak la segala jenis cheese bagi melimpah creamy tu. I used cheddar, mozarella and grana padano lebih buat pasta rituu. Basically cheddar, parmesan and mozarella sesuai letak dalam ni. Mozarella paling penting sebab nak effect tarik macam pizza tu. Haha

Serbuk paprika/ serbuk cili

Salt and pepper secukup rasa

Cara-cara:

Cairkan butter dalam periuk, tumis bawang holland hingga wangi. Masukkan tepung, kacau sekejap dan masukkan susu segar. Kacau sampai pekat. Bila dah pekat, boleh off stove.

Then masukkan lah segala species cheese tu and kacau, then boleh masukkan kentang hiris, paprika, salt and pepper ikut rasa. Basically jangan letak banyak garam sangat sebab cheese dah masin. Kalo tak, makin tak sihat la makanan kurang sihat ni. Hahaha

Boleh dah start panaskan oven dulu. Then masukkan dalam tray, tabur mozarella cheese kat atas dia. Bila oven dah panas, masukkan dalam oven dan bakar pada suhu 170-200 degree C selama lebih kurang setengah jam. Kentang akan cepat empuk sebab kita dah hiris nipis.

Andddd TADAAAAAAAA!!!

Bagi aku rasa masin sikit tapi housemate Omanian aku ni suka plak haa. Bertambah2 dia makan hahaha. Takpe lah. At least ada orang suka so bahagiaaa hahaha

Ni gambar bila dah potong.

Selamat mencubaaaaaa :)

1st Week of Coming Back to Ireland

Taken by Cik Abe from Galway University Hospital

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

Thinking back to continue blogging again because of my first 3 days being here last week. I took an emergency break last April and went back to Malaysia because of a horrible week being warded due to Pernicious anemia, tho I only arrived Athlone in February. Hmm I might want to write another entry regarding that rare disease, especially for Malaysians.

So, I just came back from Malaysia last Friday, and my horrible week started. The first 3 days a.k.a the weekend, I was on a terrible homesick. It was like I never left home before. Tho I already here before. Maybe because I was a bit petrified of old memories being sick here, and also due to the long break. Before taking flights also I cried so much. My husband was reluctant to let me go, yet he gave me his blessings to come here for seeking knowledge, Lillahi Ta'ala.

And the house I am living is wayyy different than what they showed in the website, daft.ie. I don't like that room. It was soooo small that it only fits a single bed and a bit space to go to the door. It doesn't even have wardrobe that I feel my things are way more than the space. Then, the people in the house always bring their male friends, turned on loud music and even cuddling in front of me!

I was feeling terrible of WHY do I come here at the first place, tho I was really enthusiastic to continue my Masters journey again. Then, the landlord was not considerate at all. That time he just came to meet me, then asked for August payment straightly without giving me any note. I mean, that time I only have 170 euro cash and he wants 200 euro. He told me to go to bank to take it out. And that was 8.30 pm! Allahuu.

I asked him to come with me and then I gave him the money.

On Monday, I went to meet everybody in research hub and 1 of my Spanish friend, Sandra dislike what I told her and asked me to get out from there. She even helped to bring me to the office and speak to the officer that I need a room. Before I went there, I met my landlord and told him that I want to move out. He didn't really listen to the problems I am facing in the house and told me to not call him for 3 weeks because he will be on leave. And I was like WHATTTT??!!

In the end, he gave me my 300 deposit but not the August payment. Because I already signed a contract which was merely a form without any rules! Last time I did ask what is the rule that I have to follow, but then he only said, "Oh no, this is just for formality". And now when I ask for money back, he told me about contract. What the...

On Tuesday I was so hectic attending the 2 days compulsary module, and at the same time I need to catch up the experiments with Johnny, an intern that helped me with my project because he is leaving at the end of this week. At the same time I was thinking to just bear the stay for this August before moving out to this new student accomodation. Little did I know, Sandra told my supervisor, Margaret about this when I was in the course. She told me that she will speak to me on Wednesday.

On Wednesday, when I was in the course, I promised to get my things that I left in my previous apartment from the officer. And then I received a call telling me that she couldn't find my things. Again, WHATTT???!! Ya Allah. I feel that the problems came to me non stop!! Not even 1 day here that I didn't cry. Then Margaret called my current landlord, asking for my 200 euro. He didn't like the fact that a lecturer calling him and he finally agrees to give me back my money because he is afraid that university management might know about this and will blacklist him. But I will have to wait for next 3 weeks because he is abroad now. Then I applied to Sandra's accomodation landlord to move in as soon as possible. I went back home and packed up all my things again.

On Thursday morning I called them again because they didn't reply the email yet, and luckily he gave me Sandra's room as she already left for good on Tuesday. But I will still have to move to my real room in September as it is still on renovation. So, I did labwork with Johnny first and then went back to move all my things out. Luckily, Sandra's housemate offered me her friend's car when she saw me taking a huge luggage by foot. Really it was a big help! Alhamdulillah. If not, I might have to go here and there 5 to 6 times or more to finish taking out all my things to this new apartment. But still, my body was falling apart due to taking the heavy things and I just slept early.

Thursday is the 1st day that I didn't shed even a drop of tears. Alhamdulillah things get much much more better now. Even Ashima, my new housemate noticed that I am now more calm than when I came here with Sandra. Yes, I feel so much different. I slept soundly now.

On Friday, it is the last day with Johnny. Alhamdulillah he already tell me everything he has done throughout my leave and hopefully I can now work on my own. I met Margaret and she was happy that I am now okay. She was sorry of what had happened too. 

"You will be stronger going through this, Farah! After this you will go through the research challenges too. Well, later you will know what kind of journey I have gone through to get my position right now😉"
-Margaret-

Yeah, I am more stronger now. And my husband is happy that I am okay now. Last time during the week, he was upset letting me come here and he said he wouldn't allow me to come if he knows this will happen. Well, we didn't know, right? Now I can even draft for my thesis! What a high price to get calm doesn't it?

There goes the first week, and I am still survive and alive, alhamdulillah.

Resepi Kuah Kacang Turun Temurun

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

Heyy alls!!

Haaa ni sebenarnya tiboh terasa nak share resepi turun temurun kuah kacang sebab nak habiskan data yg nak renew satgi LOL. 

Okayss cerita lah dulu, kuah kacang ni ambe belajar dari mummy, mummy belajar dari arwah mek. Setiap kali raya, mummy takkan pernah miss buat kuah kacang ni since dari kecikkk. Even sedara mara pun akan datang rumah cari mende ni sebab katanya sedappp and yes sedappp haha.

Tiap-tiap tahun, aku lah tukang goreng ngan tumbuk kacang. Tapi, pernah satu raya tu, mummy masuk hospital malam raya sebab dehydrated so aku ambik alih masak kuah kacang buat pertama kalinya phewwww and hasilnya alhamdulillah boleh laa dimakan hahaha. Opkos tak sama macam air tangan mummy.

So, tahun ni aku dah kawen (alhamdulillah) then aku rasa aku patut kekalkan resipi turun temurun ni. Plus aku the only daughter in the family. Dannn, experiment aku kali kedua aku test dekat family mertua masa raya haji haritu. Seyeslyy serammm and tak berkeyakinann hahaha sebab baru 2 bulan kawin masa tu so kekok lagi plus sebab stay rumah sendiri tep.

Dannn taraaaaa~~~

Actually, mummy komen kuah kacang aku kureng rasa sket sebab takde macam minyak2 merah keluar hasil dari santan pecah minyak tuu tapi takpe next time kita kasi pecah minyak betul2. Mungkin tumis pun tak betul sebab gelabah masak kat rumah mertua kah3.

So, these are the ingredients untuk saiz 1 periuk sederhana:

1/2 kg kacang tanah

1/2 kg santan pekattt

20 ulas bawang merah

6 ulas bawang putih

1/2 inci halia 

1/2 inci lengkuas

2 sdk serbuk jintan manis

2 sdk serbuk jintan putih

1 senduk kecil cili kisar

3 batang serai

4 keping gula melaka

garam & gula secukup rasa

Let's start cooking!!

1. Kacang digoreng tanpa minyak then tumbuk. Ambe tak suka blender kacang sebab semua jadik hancur sangat. Okey ketepikan dulu kacang tumbuk.

2. Rebus santan sampai keluar minyak. Part ni sangat menduga sebab lamaaaaaaa sangat. Ritu ambe gopoh sangat masukkan kacang sebelum betul2 pecah minyak.

3. Bila dah pecah minyak, masukkan kacang tumbuk tadi.

4. Sementara tunggu pecah minyak tadi, blender dulu semua bawang, halia, lengkuas. Then tumis sekali dengan cili kisar, serbuk jintan manis dan serbuk jintan putih. 

5. Lepas tu, masukkan bahan tumis tadi dalam campuran santan+kacang tadi. Then masukkan gula melaka ngan serai yang dititik. Balancekan dengan gula dan garam.

6. Masak sampai pekat then siappppp!!!! So boleh la makan dengan sate, nasi impit. Cicah roti pun sodappp. Hehe

Phewww so I just pinned this recipe here for future. Senang nak cari bila nak masak lagi nanti. And you guys too can try. Heee.

Selamat mencuba!

Wallahua'lam.

NOTHING GOOD IS FREE

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

Hey guys! Actually I’m thinking of writing on this as a reflection. Few things happened these couple of days regarding on this and they kinda made me thinking.

Well, stepping into the adult life, we can’t escape of the fact that we need to make our own decisions on everything. Or maybe most of the things. As for me, although I was trained to make decisions since I was in school or university, yet I think it is more intense the older we get. I’ve been chatting with my friends, my old friends, and my best friends. Coincidently the issues kinda same.

STUCKED IN BETWEEN CHOICES

It’s like “I want this, but I also want that”, “I want to go but I don’t want to leave them”, “I want to do all but the packed commitments do affect other people too”, “I want to work but I want to study”, and the list goes on.

Yeah it’s tough right?

One of my friends told me something that opened my eyes when I told her that I envy of those people yang hidup dah senang dapat kerja duit banyak etc2.

And she said, “Yeah but have u ever think what they’ve lost as a payment for success? What have Allah taken from them in order to give something great? Dia hilang mak dia, ayah dia dah makin tua, dia hilang umur dia belajar lama-lama. Dia hilang keinginan nak berfesyen smart2 sebab fikir tanggungjawab. Sanggup ke family hilang dari kita as a payment for those great success? Kalo I, I tak sanggup. Tengok semua adik2 dah berubah dah makin dewasa pun memang terasa I hilang masa I dengan family I. I paling tak boleh kalo hilang family.”

DANGG!!!

Perghh deep much sehhh. And I can’t agree more. Indeed the sacrifice is real. Indeed the struggle is not a joke. Indeed the pain is to bear. Because I’m experiencing the same. I’ve made my decision to further my Masters studies far away from everyone as I’m blessed with scholarship from the institute, Alhamdulillah. Yet the price is so much to be paid. I will lose my time with my family, I will have to survive by myself there for almost 2 years and the most important thing is I will lose my precious time with my husband, I will have to deny the instincts for having a baby for now.  Kadang terasa kejam juga plus people keep asking my why I’m not going there with my husband bla3 tho we got reasons.

But that is it! That is the price if I’m going to get a step further in my life. If we are not willing of those, then goodbye Masters! Kan?

And then last night my bestie reached me telling me that she’s in dilemma of her job and studies. Wait. It’s 2 jobs and masters study phewww. Katanya her packed commitments already affected other team members so she can’t stay put anymore. So she’s postponing her studies for the sake of her job training. After the life gets stable in the job then she will continue the courses. Ironic right? Well, that’s life! Tak semua yang kita nak grab tu kita dapat. Kadang ada yang masih belum rezeki kita. Our task is to try our best. And for you, may Allah ease your way, dearie.

So that is it. Nothing good in this world is free. We need to sacrifice precious things for them. But once the decisions are made, then no more turning back. Just step ahead. Yes life is just not easy so embrace yourselves. But always remember that Allah will lead the way for you till the end. And that was how you’ve survived all this way. And will also survive by that way, insyaAllah. Chill.

Apa-apa sekalipun, ikhlas dengan segala pengorbanan, sabar dengan segala dugaan yang datang. Kerana syurga itu sedang menanti hambaNya yang beriman.

Wallahua’lam.

First 100 Days of Us

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

Hey peeps!

Hope everyone is in the best state yea. So finally I’m here special for this big new stage of my life:

MARRIAGE

Entah laa tapi cam comel je kah3

Well actually I just want to note this here so I can always remember this early stage of our marriage. I don’t have any intention to spread annoying stories and so. Though I actually start this entry as one of my friend suggested me to update on my marriage coz she forgot that I already got married hahahh. So below are my thoughts. Enjoy reading! ;)

It has been 103 days since I got married to a very kind man on 7/7/17. And I learnt so much on living together with our partner. Yes I did live together with my friends during my university days. Changing roommates every session, with different pesen for each. YET, IT IS NOT THE SAME. For marriage, we’ve accepted somebody to go through the journey together, we need to adapt with the habits, which sometimes are good habits and there is no exception to bad habits too. PLUS AND PLUS my husband and I are living with the only two of us. Not like other people living with family or in laws after got married so we can draw our own picture. 

As for me myself, it feels like I’m getting to know to someone new though we’ve known each other since 2011. Yet I didn’t know him so much back then cause we had a long distance relationship before, only few meetings in a year and these went on for 4 years since we declared to wait for each other on Eidul Fitr 2013 and got engaged on 2014. So there were only good attitudes there hahaha. Though that time I was denying that we were only showing our good self. I thought that that was already my real me. Yes it was real, but not all attitudes were revealed LOL. (And yes congratulations to both of us surviving 4 years of LDR Alhamdulillah ^^ Nak tips pm tepi hahaha).

Looking backwards, honestly I feel blessed with this man I married. Of course he is not the perfect man in the world, but he’s too good for me already. A tolerate and nice and lovable man. Yet he do has flaws. Humans kan.. He is not a bad tempered person but I will back off if he is pissed off on his office matter and so. I’ve seen he’s being mad for once on that and I hope I won’t see that again hahahah seram sehhh orang tak pernah marah tetiba meletupp!!! Tatau nak react cemana LOL tho it’s not because of us. He’s lack of sense too (typical man) so I will have to tell him if there’s something going on or you will makan hati sensorang laa kalo tak luahkan hahaha. But every time he did bit wrong, he will apologize and so do I. This is what I like for both of us. Communication and tolerate is the key here. So I hope we can maintain this.

 All my gratitude to Allah swt, Alhamdulillah for blessing me with this marriage. He didn’t mind of my pesen selekeh and ganas (due to living with 5 boys at home LOL), well we did gusti and sumo sampai tergolek2 kah3 teruk betul. He’s also fighting so hard to adapt with his cengeng wife yang sikit2 nak berair mata kalo touching pape maigadd annoying betul bini camni hahahah. And he didn’t mind that I want to further my studies far away from him, yet he is the one who supports the most! He also taught me of what I didn’t know, he let me be the queen of our palace, letting me to decorate and serlahkan bakat as housewife. The most important thing is, he will finish off everything that I cook for us, each time. Like pinggan semua licin sehhh!! Of course I won’t mind cooking for him if that is the way he eat my cooking hahahah. But the negative side is both of us got spare tyres on our both sides omaigaadddddd!!! I myself gained 8 KILOS after 3 month babe duhhh!!! *facepalm* We are soooo going to do something before it’s too late LOL. Padahal dah 23 tahun hidup dengan underweight alahaii.

Of all those things, the biggest thing that I feel glad he’s being tolerate for is on pursuing my dreams. Since before we got married, he is my greatest supporter other than my family. He cleared to me that he won’t mind I’m working or studying after we got married later. He let me decide on my dreams. Whatever my decision will be, he will support. So that is why I dared to further my studies to Ireland soon, insyaAllah (Alhamdulillah I passed an interview with the Irish institute director and got scholarships^^).

Well, people keep asking me “kenapa tak bawa husband sekali?”, “kenapa nak tinggal husband sorang2 kat Malaysia?”, “tak patut betul tinggal suami macam tu” and the list goes on. Even parents pun kinda reluctant to let me go before knowing that my husband supports my decision. Allahu, only He knows how those words break my heart so much. There is no one that willing to leave their spouse for a long time laaa. I’m doing this with his support. He is the one who won’t let me give up on this opportunity. PLUS, SAPE NAK TANGGUNG WEHH DEDUA NAK DUDUK IRELAND PUHLEASEEEE!! He also got his own commitment here lah. You wouldn’t expect he will leave his job as a doctor here, right? Ceiitttt!

He once told me, “You’re going there to study. For jihad fi sabilillah. Why would I hold you back, right? Whatever your decision is, I will support you. You already got this chance. Grab it. You’ve also gone through many things for this.” 

So for the sake of knowledge, we have to go through this.

As for him, he also just passed an interview at IIUM Medical Centre and now waiting for the official letter (well I think it’s already near a month passed aigoo). Cecepatlah sampai surat panggilan tu. Let him start his new life there. It’s too stressful here. I’ve seen it myself. May he get his happiness and satisfaction working in a new place later, insyaAllah.

All in all, these are few things that I learnt from our first 100 days of marriage. May these stay forever, insyaAllah. Aamiin.

1. COMMUNICATE. 

Don’t keep it to yourself. Especially if it is a big thing. This is the key for a good marriage far from bad thoughts.

2. APOLOGIZE. 

Each time you do wrong, lower down your ego and ask for forgiveness. We can avoid hard feelings by doing this.

3. CHEERISH THE TIME BEING TOGETHER. 

Well, most of the hours are in workplace kan. So avoid negative things and negative feelings. It’s a waste of time. Take the chance to nurture the love.

4. UNDERSTANDING. 

Being a wife of a doctor, I should adapt to his priorities. Yet he also did his best for his wife so I won't feel lonely if he got on call or locum at the clinic at night. Should keep this up.

5. TOLERATE. 

We do have our things and hobbies. So do me and him. Let him have his time on his hobbies; gaming and badminton. I just let myself into badminton too so we can have fun together.

6. SUPPORTIVE. 

Seriously this heals a lot. Support each other. It is the best medicine, surely.

7. BE MATURE. 

It doesn’t matter to be a kanak-kanak Ribena till now but be wise on the situation.

8. LAUGHS. 

Well yang ni terlebih doses dah rasanya. He kept on laughing whenever I say and do something that maybe funny to him hahahah kadang pelik plak aku ni kelakar sangat keee asyik nak gelak je LOL. Yet it feels good to see him cheerful ihiks.

9. AIMING FOR HIS BLESSINGS. 

Perform solat and recite al-Quran together, go to mosque together for teachings.

10. SYUKUR. 

Always do reflections and express gratitude to Allah for His blessings. Be thankful with everything you got. It will make us value this bond.

Dear husband, I hope that we can keep on improving our life and live a happy life till jannah. The test is not yet to come but I hope we can prepare our best self to go through anything that will appear in the future. May we always refresh our love and always be the newly-wed couple living a harmonious life. Infinity thank you for coming into my life, waiting years for me, and took this ordinary little girl as your life partner. InsyaAllah we got each other forever. Aamiin.

I think that’s all for now. These are just my thoughts going through early stage of marriage. It’s still new for me to give advices and so. Me too taking positive things from others’ experiences too. So may we get the benefit, insyaAllah. Please pray the best for me, my marriage, my studies and my life. May Allah bless all of you. Thank you.

Wallahua’lam.

Long journey to go.

Whooppsss!! 1 more.

P/s: I haven't write about my wedding yet. Coz I'm still waiting for my pictures. Sobbss. Will do it. I promise. Stay tuned ^^

My Way Surviving in Japan

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

Hey peeps! Thanks for coming, ya! 

Actually I’m thinking to write a post on this title as a guide for my bestie who is going to further her studies in Japan. She’s kinda lost it on how to survive there, in MAKAN part. Heee ;P. Which I faced the same thing too back then. Cuak kowtt bayangkan nak hidup sensorang kat tempat asing kan? With Muslims being its minority. Of course lack of halal food. So I hope this post will assist her and you on living in Japan!

The ones who helped me a lot for first 2 months ^^

Okay first lemme brief you, I’ve stayed in Japan for around 3 months ++ while doing my internship in an institute as a visiting researcher. I went there alone. Yep alone. I even lost my way and took different train too goshh hahahah. Lucky I arrived Komatsu safely.

The first 2,3 days I kinda got miserable life in terms of daily life management. As I didn’t have any cooking utensils tho I brought food stock from Malaysia. Well, you’ll need hot water for the instant noodles at least, hellooo~~ haha. Then I’ve met Malaysian students there thru a contact from sensei’s previous student. So they kindly cooked for me until I got to borrow some cooking utensils from one of them who is the permanent student.

Okay taknak cakap panjang2, below are some tips to survive in Japan for a student, specialized in MAKAN! Terutama bagi tekak melayu pekat macam ambe. Luls XD

We’ll start with things-to-bring.

1.            The most important thing to survive is to get a contact of fellow Malaysian, especially a Muslim to assist you on living in Japan. He/she will be the information fella for you. Ask as much as you want, every single curiosity that you have, ask em. It will help you a lot in preparing your mental. For example, ask em on how to find halal chicken and meat, also other ingredients. Of course you nak makan ayam juga kan? Tak mampu nak jadi vegetarian. Uhuk3

2.            You will have a very busy life and may get a little time to cook in some days. So it is advisable to bring a lot of ready-to-eat food. I suggest you to bring serunding daging/ayam banyak2, and also sambal bilis tempe pedas. MasyaAllah tu lah benda paling sayang masa kat sana. Hahhaha. Pack banyak2. Then all left is to cook rice. Ada orang suggest bawa lauk Brahim’s tu. Macam gulai ayam, rendang, sambal bilis. But personally it is not so advisable as for me. Unless you memang suka makan lauk2 dia tu takpe la. Huhuhu. Sikit2 okay la kut. Tapi lauk je tau. Bukan nasi goreng tu. :P

3.            Harta paling berharga when staying in Japan were kicap and sos. Sebab kicap dengan sos jepun tak sesuai dengan tekak ambe. Seriously. Plus ambe ni setiap kali makan nasi memang kicap tu wajib ada. So make sure bawak stok banyak2. Then, bawa juga segala rempah2 perencah2 untuk masak. Perencah nasi goreng, tomyam, gulai, kari, sup, belacan, gula Melaka, santan tu make sure bawak. Pendek cerita rencah2 masakan melayu la. Sebab kat Jepun payah nak cari. Senang nak masak. Reti tak reti masak itu lain cerita. Jangan risau.

4.            Cili api jangan lupa oiiiii seyes nak menangis takde cili api kat Jepunnn! They only got dried chillis. Memang la pedas juga tapi tak kaww macam cili api lah. Kempunan sambal belacan wehhh. Haaa kalo dapat angkut stok sambal belacan best gak tuh. Serius.

5.            Stok megi, mihun instant. Haa bawak lah. Bawak bermacam2 perisa. Kadang mmg tak sempat nak masak langsung sebab occupied dengan labworks. Huhu. But I didn’t eat much instant noodles back then. Penangan thesis MSG curry instant noodles. Bau je dah lari jejauh. Haha. Ada juga instant noodles Jepun yang halal tapi berganda la harga sebab dia import dr Malaysia juga. LOL. Nak selamat bawa la sbb basically ada beef stock kan. Huhu

Okay done with yang perlu dibawa. Now yang tak perlu dibawa plak. Sebab semua boleh beli kat sana. Awal2 sampai sana memang banyak la juga duit habis untuk stok permulaan. Tapi besenya sekali beli tu memang tahan sampai 3,4 minggu. Kena testing la dulu sebulan pertama tu stok banyak mana yg korg ngap. Then dah boleh agak la.

6. No need to bring any drink sachets whatever. Milo ke nescafe ke susu ke takyah bawak. Those can be bought at supermarkets. No need to worry on Halal status coz usually they didn’t put any alcohol in drinks. And those drinks come from plants. Wink3. Buat berat beg je bawa semua tu nanti. Banyak benda lain lebih perlu untuk di bawa. Tapi kalo nak bawa Nestum 3 in 1 tu haaa that one is advisable to bring. For me lah. Sebab dedua makan ngan minum dah tercampur sekali. Haha bijak takk..XD

7. No need to bring beras huhuhu. Sebab nasi Jepun sedap sesangatttttt hahahah. I got 5 kgs up by eating Japanese rice everyday luls. Tapi beras Jepun mahal gak ahh. Dah la dua kali masak nasi sehari. Sebab species suka makan nasi fresh baru masak. Thehehehhe

After 2 weeks pun pipi dah mengepauuu XD

8. Takyah bawak bawang, sayur, ikan bilis sebab semua bawang mentah boleh dapat kat market je. Atau dekat van jual sayur murah2. Murah as in murahhhhh. Memang takleh tahan muka excited masa borong barang masakan dekat pakcik Jepun tu. Cuma ikan bilis Jepun takde la sedap sangat. Haha.

9. Biskut2, keropok, snek segala tu pun tak payah bawak. Kat Jepun berlambak2 biskut. Sedap2 pastu murah2 semua. Ugh dah meleleh ayaq liuq teringat kat snek depa. Hahaha

Okay done part ingredients. Now I’m gonna guide on cooking! Tak reti masak? No worries. Tapi kalo tak reti masak langsung tu, bawak2 la belajar basic things in cooking. At least bab goreng, tumis, rebus, potong2 semua tu. Coz from basic things then you can work with your creativity. Tapi takyah la complicated sangat. Bantai je potong tak sama ke apa. Yang penting bila masak boleh makan and sedap pastu kenyang. Ehehehe

1.  Do list of menu that you can cook before you fly. Anything. So takde la takut sangat fikir nak masak apa nanti.

2. Amalkan tengok video recipe simple macam Tasty tu. It helped me a lot tho!

3. Rajin2 usha recipe kalo terasa nak masak sesuatu. Mr. Google kan adaaaaaa. Follow twitter account Tasty tu, Facebook pun sama. Bear this in mind : Anything can be cooked if you know the recipes. And have the ingredients opkosss. Just anything. So no need to worry.

4. Awal2 kat Jepun masa takde cooking utensils sangat, I cooked with rice cooker jea. Seyes rasa tak reti gilaaa masak pakai rice cooker sebab selalu masak dengan peralatan lengkap kat rumah. Pastu kat universiti tak pernah bawa peralatan terlarang masuk hostel. LOL. Tapi rice cooker ni sangat membantu. Especially untuk masak sup2, tomyam semua tu. Masuk je segala ayam bawang macaroni ke buh garam gula pepper semua pastu tunggu je rebus. Siapppppp!! Memang nak menangis bila makan sebab boleh tahan la juga rasa dia walau masak sekadar dengan kekurangan. Haha. Then bila dah dapat electric cooker tu baru terasa hidup skit boleh goreng2, tumis2, buat breakfast french toast bagai. Huhu

5. Work with your own creativity. Bila kat tempat orang, memang duk teringat macam2 makanan Malaysia. hahaha. Creativity will accomplish em. Well, I pernah buat projek nasi kerabu, nasi lemak dengan member kowttt. Bahan2 takde la cukup pun tp menjadi la jugekkk. haha. Penat experimenting dalam lab, sambung experiment dekat dapur la pulak. Seyes enjoy ngat. Part paling enjoy bila makan tu rasa dia sedap walau mula2 macam tak yakin menjadi.

Awal2 hidup kat tempat orang memang la rasa down juga. Lagi2 nak survive sensorang. Tapi JANGAN LAYAN PERASAAN TU SANGAT. BE TOUGH! Jiwa mau sado banggg. Cuba untuk tak menangis. Bertenang, figure out things. InsyaAllah things will get better day by day.

Yet I’ve got questioned by some people. “Kalo dah kau duduk kat tempat orang, belajar la makan makanan depa. Sampai bila nak bergantung dengan makanan melayu?”

Pehh deep. Tapi tak dalam mana pung. Okay camni, ada ke I cakap tak makan makanan Jepun tu? Makannnnn lahhhhh. Banyak species masakan, snek, kueh, masakan tradisional yg kita boleh makan. Siap jadi fav lagi. Tapi tu lah, nak beli sokmo setiap kali waktu makan, bankrap la cik oiii. Kalo masak sendiri ni tersangatlah jimatnya haa. Terjamin halal lagi.. Kan? ;)

Sensei belanja sushiiiii aummmm!!!

Ahh yes Japan is a heaven of snacksssss!!! Seriously Japanese snacks berhantu sehhh. Banyak pilihan and sedappppp. Tapi AMARAN KERAS! Make sure check the ingredients. Hafal at least perkataan ‘buta niku’ (pork)豚肉, ‘niku’ (meat)肉 dengan alcoholアルコール. At least 3 perkataan ni. Kalo dpt hafal perkataan ‘nyukazai' (emulsifier) tu lagi bagus. Basically perkataan kanji ni memang wajib hafal, then senang nak gi shopping. Jangan risau, bila dah berkali2 tengok tu, sepintas lalu dah boleh detect perkataan tu bila tengok ingredients. Complicated? Tak lah. Sebab dah jadi tanggungjawab kita untuk cari makanan bebas benda tak halal. Wink3 ;)

All in all, living in Japan was just great. Not so much hard effort on surviving, insyaAllah.

Maybe that’s all for now. If there’s any add ons, will give ya later naa. All the best in Japan! Have fun! Ahh missing Japan so much.

Love,

Amoy.