Of Pernicious Anemia...

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

Hye alls! I'm back!

Actually tengah penat sebab duk bertapa dekat lab and office kat research hub tu. Lagi memenatkan bila I have to risk all those samples that I made for 2 days, semata-mata sebab compression machine tu buat hal argh! So esok kena try lagi. Harap2 my babies dalam fridge tu okay la tak kecut ke tak kering ke. Okay I don't know whether you reader understand what I am saying hahaha.

Tapi terasa macam nak menulis pasal Pernicious Anemia which I got after 2 months being in Ireland, specifically in April 2018. Secara simplenya, pernicious anemia ni adalah satu penyakit autoimmune, di mana tetiba ada antibody kat perut tu yg makan cell berfungsi untuk serap vitamin B12 dari makanan kita makan. So bila antibody tu dah makan cell sihat tu, takde la cell nak serap B12 dah dalam badan ni. B12 ni fungsi dia untuk produce darah dalam badan kita. Konklusinya, bila takde B12, a.k.a B12 deficient, darah pun kurang. Itu yang dipanggil pernicious anemia. Dan penyakit autoimmune ni uncurable. Memang kena tanggung seumur hidup lah. Kita hanya boleh topup apa yang destroyed. In this case, kita hanya boleh topup B12 thru injections.

Biasanya, autoimmune ni satu inherited disease. Cumanya yang rare pada kes aku, takda satu pun ahli keluarga aku yang ada sejarah sakit darah. Takde. Dr pun pelik cemana boleh dapat pernicious anemia sebab besenya orang yang vegetarian atau yg tak makan daging je dapat ni, especially western people la kan. Entahla, mungkin bahagian aku kut. At least aku tak rasa dah sakit bila duk topup B12 tu. Huhu

Okay sekarang nak cerita cemana aku boleh diagnosed pernicious anemia. Bear with me. It was horrible. Huhu

Sebenarnya dari zaman undergrad lagi aku dah pesen jantung laju sokmo, cepat penat. Cuma masa tu gagah lagi la hiking. Aku fikir sebab penat and stress je. Plus masa tu MPP, duk bergelumang dengan masalah orang je hahaha. So lepas kawen bulan 7 2017 tu, aku buat test darah (blood count) sebab husband suruh. Dia mmg personally test diri sendiri punya darah annually. So daripada result tu lah baru tahu aku ni anemia, Hb level 7 je masa tu, which kalo normal, 10 ke atas. Then he gave me iron tablets for 3 months sebab fikir aku ni iron deficiency anemia je. 

Then, in Ogos 2017, I got an offer to pursue my Masters study in Ireland starting in February 2018. After 3 months on the iron tablets, aku buat test darah lagi sekali few weeks before flying.  And that time, my Hb level already go up to 12. So dah normal la kan. Aku pun dengan happynya fly ke Ireland, knowing everything is okay.

Tapi, sebulan duk Ireland, takde apa sangat lagi yang jadi. Just sejuk kat Ireland ni memang gila weh. Lagi2 kalo masuk toilet ke amik wudhuk ke ya Allah menggigil dia tu dahsyat gila. Heater bilik mmg tak rasa mende. Bila masuk bulan 3 2018, I began to lose my apetite. It was like, tengahari boleh lagi makan nasik, bila malam, dia jadi nak muntah bila makan nasi. Tak tau apa masalah. So masa tu duk survive dengan buah jela. Macam2 buah beli. Psstu makan roti. My bestie suggest makan beras basmati sebab kurang kanji. Aku pun try la. Alhamdulillah okay sikit, dia tak rasa mual. Plus harga sama je dengan long grain rice yang tak sedap tu. Huhu

Sebulan masalah dengan makan, then I was suspected miscarriage. Dah lebih sebulan tak datang period, yang si husband kat Malaysia plak dapat morning sickness. Which morning waktu Ireland and about 2 pm waktu Malaysia. Nak makan benda masam pun ada dia cakap. Lol. And ada beberapa tanda lain jugak. Agak sedih cerita miscarriage tapi kita proceed kisah pernicious anemia ni dulu.

Early April, aku dah terasa penat yang teramat. Masa tu dekat lab pun hectic gila-gila pagi sampai petang kadang lunch pun lambat sebab terpaksa tunggu sample dalam UV curing chamber tu. Masa tu lab partner, Maria budak intern yang duk tolong aku tu pun perasan aku macam sikit2 dah nak cari kerusi. Berdiri lama sikit dah penat. Masa tu duk fikir effect miscarriage la.

Sampai satu tahap, hari selasa tu aku boleh jalan terus lagi ke research hub yang besenya dalam 7 minit tu non stop. Tp bila sampai hub, aku kena duk dulu kat entrance tu baru naik tangga ke office. Hari rabu, dah kena stop tengah jalan dah. Hari khamis, dah kena berhenti beberapa kali. Hari jumaat paling terrible, aku jalan 2,3 langkah dah kena berhenti. Paling banyak tak sampai pun 10 langkah aku rasa. Memang tercungap cungap gila. Padahal dah sarapan apa semua dah.

In the end, my husband insisted me to go to clinic. Last time aku takmo pegi klinik sebab mahal gila weh. Jumpa Dr je dah 75 euro. Tu dah RM370 dah tu weh. Jumpa Dr je. Kalo ubat kena beli sendiri, bukan free macam Malaysia weh. Huhuhu. Dia marah kalo aku tak pergi, dia cakap, "Dah tu, takkan nak tunggu pengsan dulu baru nak pegi klinik?" Well, in fact dia suruh aku terus pegi hospital. Tapi percaya lah kat tempat aku ni hospital jauh gila. Even klinik yang aku nak pergi tu pun. Nasib baik ada kawan Brazil kat ofis tu dia tolong call chaplain universiti mintak tolong. Kalo dia tak hantarkan, aku rasa memang dah pengsan tengah jalan weh kalo pergi sendiri. Even kalo amik bas ke town pun, memang jauh lagi kena jalan.

Then kat klinik tu, dia buat ECG, urine test. Then dia jumpa bilirubin dlm urine aku. The thing yg selalu ada kat baby demam kuning tu. Pastu dekat ECG tu ada macam abnormal sikit, tak reti aku nak sebut. Ingat RBBB je. Then dia buat referral letter ke Portiuncula Hospital, which about sejam lebih dari tempat aku ni. Nasib baik uni bagi taxi untuk aku pegi sana. Kalo tak, melayang lagi 40 euro a.k.a RM200. Huhu

Bila kat hospital tu, dua buat lagi ECG, amik vital details, amik darah, urine test. Masa tu housemate temankan. Suhu aku pun tinggi gila sampai dia masuk IV paracetamol ngan air. Then buat xray lagi. Macam-macam soalan dah depa tanya. Berulang ulang pulak tu. Penat ulang cerita. 4 jam tunggu, tetiba depa cakap aku kena tahan ward sebab Hb level rendah gila sampai nak transfuse darah. Kesian dekat housemate tunggu lama, aku suruh dia balik je dulu pakai taxi uni call tu. 

Dari pukul 2 pm sampai hospital tu, sampai lah 11 malam tunggu baru lah ada katil kosong untuk aku. Dah la lapar gila2 last makan masa breakfast sebelum gi klinik tu kowtt. Seb baik depa bagi sandwic ngn air teh. Boleh lah dari takde pape.

Doktor semua muka risau kowt mse dekat ED tu. Husband cakap kalo Dr muka risau tuu ada lah yang diorang taktau tu. Husband memang confirm restless lah kat rumah tu. Besenya 5 petang Ireland kat Malaysia dah 12 tgh malam. That time 9 malam Ireland pun dia reply mesej lagi. Kesian jugak la dia tak tenang kat rumah tu. Huhu. Sorry abang.

Then bila masuk wad tu, termenung jap. Aku datang sini hanya sehelai sepinggang weh. Memang tak prepare la sebab tak expect langsung masuk hospital. Huhu. So aku pakai je baju hospital yang seksi ikat tepi tu. Haha. Seb baik masa tu aku pakai inner baju and seluar. Kalo tak, rasanya memang tido ngn blous ngan seluar jeans dah rasanya. Tudung pun pakai tudung bawal kosong tu je yang takyah inner tu. Thankfully. Kalo tak masyaAllah payahnya. Huhu. Malam 1st tu aku tido je sebab dah memang letih gila. Masuk malam kedua, okay aku tak boleh control emosi. Sepanjang malam tu aku nangis wehh couldn't stoppp! Nurse pun xtau nak buat apa. Last skali dia offer hot milk and biscuits. Okay lega sikit. Walaupun lepas tu aku nangis lagi. I messaged husband then dia pun memang stress taktau nak buat apa and tak boleh nak buat apa.

Ada sorang patient perempuan belasan tahun mcm sakit something kat dalam perut dia. Memang menangis almost all the time. Tapi dia still care about me. Siap offer nak bagi baju sbb dia kesian tengok aku sehelai sepinggang xde sape2. Tapi aku plak kesian kat dia sbb dia sentiasa tanggung sakit.

Duk 3 hari, masih taktau kenapa dan apa yang terjadi kat aku. Dr pun refuse untuk explain apa2 kat aku. Sekadar cakap kita tak figure out lagi. Husband dah mula marah dah. Katanya ridiculus gila tak keluar lagi blood result and blood film. Memang tak logik. Sampai dia fikir nak videocall je dengan Dr tu nak tanya sendiri. Hari tu ada sorang staff uni hantar barang2 mcm baju seluar, toiletteries. Terus aku gi mandi rasa macam bernyawa sikit mandi pakai sabun.

Things getting bad tengahari tu bila darah meleleh keluar dari branula kat lipatan siku. Memang macam air literally. Cuma air tu warna merah. Huhu. Bila cakap kat nurse lelaki yang selalu attend aku tu, dia simply cakap, "Oh this is because your liver function is still unstable". Si suami ni dah marah dah cakap amik la vital details ke apa ke. Cek bp ke. Then aku suruh jugak nurse tu amik bp sbb aku dah pening. Dia sesuka je cakap aku takut darah. Aiyooo

Hari ke 4, Selasa memang tunggu ward round sebab husband nak cakap ngn Dr kalo masih xde pape khabar. That time Dr semua dtg round, I heard they said something yang tak pernah dyorg sebut sebelum ni. And I went "WHAT??" straight away, then the senior Dr tarik junior Dr yg tengah explain kat dia tu keluar. Allahu aku dah panas masa tu. Kenapa dyorg taknak bgtau kat aku. Tu hak aku sebagai patient kowtt. I told the nurse of what I feel at that time and then the Dr finally came to me to explain. Nak tahu dia cakap apa?

"We suspected that you have leukemia."

Boleh bayang tak kau tak rasa sakit kat mana2, just pening kepala, tetiba Dr cakap kau leukemia?? Ya Allah, masa tu terasa macam bila2 je boleh mati. Aku memang nangis jela masa tu. Then husband yg memang tengah on video call dengan aku masa tu, suruh aku pass fon kat Dr tu. Dr tu explain semua tapi banyak soalan husband dia tak tahu. Blood film tak tahu etc2. Then muka husband nampak frust gila. And that time I knew I was in really2 bad condition. 

Then Dr cakap nak transfer aku ke Galway. And masa tu Margaret datang jenguk aku. Dia cakap ngn Dr jap. Then dia peluk aku. Aku nangis gila2 masa tu memang tak tahan dah. Then dia cerita yg dia sebenarnya leukemia survivor. She told me that I CAN SURVIVE.

Then petang tu jugak aku naik ambulans pegi Galway. Dulu kecik2 nak sangat kan anik ambulans, haaa amikk naik ambulans tak best langsung wehhh rasa hanyut gila duk belakang tu. Seb baik aku duduk. Kalo aku baring dah lama muntah dah rasanya. Tu pun memang duk peluk bekas muntah sepanjang 2 jam perjalanan tu sambil merenung nasib apa yang jadi kat aku masa tu.

Bila sampai je wad, masyaAllah bilik single depa bagi aku siap dgn personal bathroom. I was like, how on earth did I get all of this. Rupanya memang aku tak boleh diletakkan bersama patient lain disebabkan antibody memang lemah gila. Kelakar jugak bila fikir. Haha. Duk 2 jam, registrar (specialist) datang. Dia explain 1 by 1 in details apa jadi kat aku.

Dia cakap red blood cell aku bentuk macam tear drop instead disc shape yg normal. Pelik kan? Neutrophil plak hypersegmented sampai ada 8 kaki. Normal 4 je. Huhu. Pastu dia cakap la dyorg takkan pegi sampai leukemia lagi buat masa ni. Sebab dyorg nak investigate lain dulu. Masa tu rasa alhamdulillah lega gilaaa masih ada harapan. 

3 hari duk situ, finally dyorg confirm yang aku ada pernicious anemia. Tu pun lepas hari2 amik darah sampai dah takde urat lawa nak bagi kat dia utk amik darah. Pastu segala test dia buat. Xray dah berapa kali dlm seminggu ni. Hampir kena CT scan tapi xjadi bila dyorg dh yakin dgn pernicious anemia tu. B12 tu thru makan pun dia bagi, cucuk masuk urat sebotol B12 yang sampai urat lengan aku merah gila sepanjang lengan tu. Mmg irritate gila ubat tuu. And thru cucuk kat punggung pun dyorg test jugak.

Finally Jumaat, hari ketujuh sepanjang aku warded tuuu dyorg discharge aku. Mse tu terpinga-pinga la sbb tetiba je haha walaupun bersyukur. Si suami ni pulak dah beli tiket flight dah. Esoknya dah nak fly. Alhamdulillah Margaret datang masa tu so dia bawak balik rumah dia sementara nak pegi lagi appoinment kat Galway tu isnin nanti, the same day ngn husband sampai sini.

And dekat spital Galway tu ada kawan kepada bos husband, suami isteri yg memang registrar specialist kat situ. Depa jumpa aku kat wad masa tu. So Ahad tu aku gerak pegi rumah dia sambil tunggu husband sampai. Nice jugak laa dapat kenal keluarga Muslim Melayu kat sini. Kalo tak, memang sensorang lah kat Athlone ni.

Isnin petang tu cik abe sampai. MasyaAllah dia punya berdebar tu kemain macam baru nak nikah je haahahaha. Lain macam jantung ni bila finally boleh jumpa kesayangan hamba selepas beberapa bulan. Sobsss. Who knows sakit ni boleh ketemukan aku dengan si suami kembali. Memang tumpah la airmata. huhuhu

Masa pegi appoinment dgn Dr Mark tu, dia cakap memang xleh amik ubat masuk perut sbb dah konfem ada anti intrinsic cells and ant parietal cells a.k.a antibody yg tak sepatutnya ada tu. So conclusion, I will have to take monthly injection for my lifetime. Takpe lah. At least, it was not leukemia. I won't have to go through bone marrow aspiration, I won't have to go through chemotherapy. Simple je treatment dia. Just 1 injection for every month and I can live my life normally. Of course I need to say countless alhamdulillah for this. Tho I will have this forever, tenyata Dia Tuhan yang Maha Mengasihani.

Terima kasih kepada semua yang menyokong. Terima kasih kepada semua yang mendoakan. Moga kita semua sentiasa diberkatiNya, insyaAllah.
Terima kasih juga kepada warga AIT. They have helped me countless times and I won't forget this memory forever.

#DiaryPerniciousAnemiaFighter

Potato Scallop

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

Haiiii!! Harini terasa nak buat 1 collection resepi yang aku try sepanjang ada kat Ireland ni. Sebab aku jenis yang suka experiment dengan resepi, tak cukup sekadar experiment dalam lab. Maybe I will hashtag #DapurIrelandAmoy Haha. So kita mula dengan 1 resepi ringkas dan sedap yg baru cuba semalam, but a bit high calorie menu, which is soooo suitable for me yang kurus cekeding tak cukup berat ni. Haha. Sekali sekala boleh la amik menu yang tak berapa sihat ni. Sekadar penuhi rasa mengidam. LOL. Plus, memang nak kena manfaatkan la oven gedabak kat rumah ni. Biar berbaloi sket bayar sewa mahal kan..haha

Resepi ni dapat dari member masa universiti dulu. Tapi ada olah sikit masuk bawang holland. Biar ada rasa manis2 bawang tu. So takde la muak sangat kan. Ate, moh le kite nengok resepinyaa.

Ingredients:

Setengah kg ubi kentang yg dihiris nipis

Setengah biji bawang holland-potong dadu

1 sudu besar tepung gandum

2 sudu besar butter

Secawan setengah susu segar

Cheese- letak la segala jenis cheese bagi melimpah creamy tu. I used cheddar, mozarella and grana padano lebih buat pasta rituu. Basically cheddar, parmesan and mozarella sesuai letak dalam ni. Mozarella paling penting sebab nak effect tarik macam pizza tu. Haha

Serbuk paprika/ serbuk cili

Salt and pepper secukup rasa

Cara-cara:

Cairkan butter dalam periuk, tumis bawang holland hingga wangi. Masukkan tepung, kacau sekejap dan masukkan susu segar. Kacau sampai pekat. Bila dah pekat, boleh off stove.

Then masukkan lah segala species cheese tu and kacau, then boleh masukkan kentang hiris, paprika, salt and pepper ikut rasa. Basically jangan letak banyak garam sangat sebab cheese dah masin. Kalo tak, makin tak sihat la makanan kurang sihat ni. Hahaha

Boleh dah start panaskan oven dulu. Then masukkan dalam tray, tabur mozarella cheese kat atas dia. Bila oven dah panas, masukkan dalam oven dan bakar pada suhu 170-200 degree C selama lebih kurang setengah jam. Kentang akan cepat empuk sebab kita dah hiris nipis.

Andddd TADAAAAAAAA!!!

Bagi aku rasa masin sikit tapi housemate Omanian aku ni suka plak haa. Bertambah2 dia makan hahaha. Takpe lah. At least ada orang suka so bahagiaaa hahaha

Ni gambar bila dah potong.

Selamat mencubaaaaaa :)

1st Week of Coming Back to Ireland

Taken by Cik Abe from Galway University Hospital

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

Thinking back to continue blogging again because of my first 3 days being here last week. I took an emergency break last April and went back to Malaysia because of a horrible week being warded due to Pernicious anemia, tho I only arrived Athlone in February. Hmm I might want to write another entry regarding that rare disease, especially for Malaysians.

So, I just came back from Malaysia last Friday, and my horrible week started. The first 3 days a.k.a the weekend, I was on a terrible homesick. It was like I never left home before. Tho I already here before. Maybe because I was a bit petrified of old memories being sick here, and also due to the long break. Before taking flights also I cried so much. My husband was reluctant to let me go, yet he gave me his blessings to come here for seeking knowledge, Lillahi Ta'ala.

And the house I am living is wayyy different than what they showed in the website, daft.ie. I don't like that room. It was soooo small that it only fits a single bed and a bit space to go to the door. It doesn't even have wardrobe that I feel my things are way more than the space. Then, the people in the house always bring their male friends, turned on loud music and even cuddling in front of me!

I was feeling terrible of WHY do I come here at the first place, tho I was really enthusiastic to continue my Masters journey again. Then, the landlord was not considerate at all. That time he just came to meet me, then asked for August payment straightly without giving me any note. I mean, that time I only have 170 euro cash and he wants 200 euro. He told me to go to bank to take it out. And that was 8.30 pm! Allahuu.

I asked him to come with me and then I gave him the money.

On Monday, I went to meet everybody in research hub and 1 of my Spanish friend, Sandra dislike what I told her and asked me to get out from there. She even helped to bring me to the office and speak to the officer that I need a room. Before I went there, I met my landlord and told him that I want to move out. He didn't really listen to the problems I am facing in the house and told me to not call him for 3 weeks because he will be on leave. And I was like WHATTTT??!!

In the end, he gave me my 300 deposit but not the August payment. Because I already signed a contract which was merely a form without any rules! Last time I did ask what is the rule that I have to follow, but then he only said, "Oh no, this is just for formality". And now when I ask for money back, he told me about contract. What the...

On Tuesday I was so hectic attending the 2 days compulsary module, and at the same time I need to catch up the experiments with Johnny, an intern that helped me with my project because he is leaving at the end of this week. At the same time I was thinking to just bear the stay for this August before moving out to this new student accomodation. Little did I know, Sandra told my supervisor, Margaret about this when I was in the course. She told me that she will speak to me on Wednesday.

On Wednesday, when I was in the course, I promised to get my things that I left in my previous apartment from the officer. And then I received a call telling me that she couldn't find my things. Again, WHATTT???!! Ya Allah. I feel that the problems came to me non stop!! Not even 1 day here that I didn't cry. Then Margaret called my current landlord, asking for my 200 euro. He didn't like the fact that a lecturer calling him and he finally agrees to give me back my money because he is afraid that university management might know about this and will blacklist him. But I will have to wait for next 3 weeks because he is abroad now. Then I applied to Sandra's accomodation landlord to move in as soon as possible. I went back home and packed up all my things again.

On Thursday morning I called them again because they didn't reply the email yet, and luckily he gave me Sandra's room as she already left for good on Tuesday. But I will still have to move to my real room in September as it is still on renovation. So, I did labwork with Johnny first and then went back to move all my things out. Luckily, Sandra's housemate offered me her friend's car when she saw me taking a huge luggage by foot. Really it was a big help! Alhamdulillah. If not, I might have to go here and there 5 to 6 times or more to finish taking out all my things to this new apartment. But still, my body was falling apart due to taking the heavy things and I just slept early.

Thursday is the 1st day that I didn't shed even a drop of tears. Alhamdulillah things get much much more better now. Even Ashima, my new housemate noticed that I am now more calm than when I came here with Sandra. Yes, I feel so much different. I slept soundly now.

On Friday, it is the last day with Johnny. Alhamdulillah he already tell me everything he has done throughout my leave and hopefully I can now work on my own. I met Margaret and she was happy that I am now okay. She was sorry of what had happened too. 

"You will be stronger going through this, Farah! After this you will go through the research challenges too. Well, later you will know what kind of journey I have gone through to get my position right now😉"
-Margaret-

Yeah, I am more stronger now. And my husband is happy that I am okay now. Last time during the week, he was upset letting me come here and he said he wouldn't allow me to come if he knows this will happen. Well, we didn't know, right? Now I can even draft for my thesis! What a high price to get calm doesn't it?

There goes the first week, and I am still survive and alive, alhamdulillah.